2 Spuds in a Pod

Looking after your mental and physical wellbeing.

Tag: confidence


Today I want to talk about resilience, simply because I have felt pretty good the last couple of days and able to put up with most things. Now I am not saying that you need to put up with absolutely everything, because if it’s not good for you then you need to get out. I am saying this from a point of view where being able to put up with things is an amazing feeling when the smallest things used to break me.

I can’t cope!

Last week I had several days at work when things just went wrong, I became frustrated and was really not enjoying it, getting stressed and running around like a headless chicken. I had a job to do where I just could not figure the problem out, thus not being able to fix it. Luckily, I was able to get hold of one of my best colleagues on the phone. Best in the sense that he is very thorough and approachable. He was also the only person at work for a long time who knew about my depression and anxiety. He had told us all in a team meeting one day about suffering with depression and anxiety for 20 years, hence me feeling able to bring it up with him much later.

Speaking to him, he told me exactly what to do. I carried out his instructions to the letter but still no joy. He could hear me getting stressed and he kept telling me to calm down and relax. In the end I got it working although I’m still not sure why. He kept giving me words of encouragement, saying I was doing a great job and to just take my time. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but I remember thinking that had that been anyone else, they had not been able to provide me with the great support he did at the time.

No job satisfaction

Although I finished the job, it did not leave me with any satisfaction. I kept thinking I should have done a better job from the beginning, to not waste so much time, to be quicker and more efficient. This train of thought I find is not beneficial. As soon as I start thinking this way, it messes everything up. I can’t concentrate and I don’t feel I am doing a good job. I forget things and every task takes twice as long. This leads to getting stressed about keeping all appointments etc that I have in a day, and the downward spiral continues.

Feeling good mentally

I find that when I am feeling good mentally, I have resilience to deal with things. It is a lot easier to keep calm and methodical. The last couple of days have been frustrating as things haven’t really gone my way, but I have had the resilience to put up with it, and it doesn’t bother me as much.

Collect the good stuff

The one great difference I can see for the last couple of days is the weather. The sun has been out, and it has been warm. In Scottish terms it’s been “taps off” weather (this means it has been so warm that you can take your top off). Being able to work in shorts, in the sun, means the world to me. Having these days makes up for the bad ones in between. I try to fill the bucket up of good stuff. As an example, I am currently sitting in my greenhouse/sunroom. It’s late and very pleasant inside here, but I know that outside it’s colder and windy. The birds are singing, and it is still light. To me this is collecting the good stuff so that when needed, I have the resilience to deal with things. I try to fill up with as much as I can.

Feeling good

It is very clear that feeling good about yourself has such a huge impact on pretty much everything. If you feel good then the world is your oyster, otherwise every little thing becomes a mountain. You need to do the things that make you happy. It is clear to me that, for various reasons, over the last couple of years I slowly stopped doing the things I liked, and everything became all about doing the things I had do. In a way I became a robot, just plodding along, ignoring the feelings of doubt and the lack of enjoyment. This also meant I was not able to do the things I liked, because I just didn’t like it anymore.

No resilience, lack of confidence and indecisiveness

To me, my depression and anxiety has led to no resilience, a lack of confidence and huge indecisiveness. I have felt pretty good the last couple of days as I have had that extra bit of resilience. With this comes more confidence and less indecisiveness. To me this is now a clear sign of how I am feeling, and I can see the warning signals when things get too much. When I spot the signs, I try to always tell Helen. If I don’t, she’ll get mighty annoyed as I won’t be able to tell her what the matter is and from experience we know we are on a slippery slope.  

Tell a colleague

Two people at work now know about my depression and anxiety, apart from my manager. I know that if one of them are working then I always have someone to speak to. For a long time, I chose not to tell anyone at work, but I am really glad that I have. I urge you to tell someone too, find that person you know you can fully trust.


I am what I am!

I am pretty sure from the title you will already know the singers. There are three that come to mind. These being Gloria Gaynor, Shirley Bassey and John Barrowman. Everyone of them has sung it, put their own take on it, performed it live on stage in various countries and at various points of their career. It has become an anthem of sorts and it is an important one.

The reason I am telling you this

There is a reason. I was at the John Barrowman Fabulous tour yesterday evening at The Glasgow Royal Concert Hall. It was 30 years of his career, his family, his husband and marriage, his dogs, his charity work, the LGBTQ community and his MBE all nicely packaged into a two-hour music extravaganza. Now this is a man who has had a varied career, has built it from the bottom, has taken opportunities and run with them all the while learning along the way. However, at one point during the show he says there is one thing I have done throughout my career. I have not listened to what other people have told me to do or told me not to do. I have done things my way. The lights then dim, and, in the shadows, there is this one line. I am what I am! The music picks up pace, the lights get brighter and he belts it out for everyone to hear. It is a very powerful song and Mr Barrowman has done it justice. At the end of the day (and in my opinion) Mr John Barrowman is a wonderful performer who just does what he does best, entertain and does what makes him happy regardless of what others may think.

Go and see the show if you can

I encourage you if you don’t have tickets to see any of his shows in the next week or so to get on to ticketing websites and get some. It is a fantastic feel good performance. Just right if you are feeling a little down right now. It is funny stories, it is photos, it is a live band, there is a little dancing but most importantly there is music and lots of it.
(2 Spuds is not into promotion however, we are into good music and feeling fantastic!)

The lyrics of I am what I am

The lyrics to this song are very important as they say look at me. I am me and I am the best of me. I need to accept the very best version of myself and then I need to shout it from the roof tops. Some people may not like me but that is ok. Not everyone is going to, but I am ok with this. At the end of the day I am what I am. The Gloria Gaynor version of the song has a slightly different ending where it states –

“I am, I am, good/strong/somebody
I am, I do belong
I am, I am, useful/true/worthy
I am as good as you”

Personally I feel it breaks down the lyrics a little more and gives a lot more meaning to an already fantastic song. At the end of the day you can repeat these words to yourself be the greatest person you want to be.

Life can throw curved balls

This is very true; life can throw us curved balls and it usually happens at a time when we are least expecting it. Both physically and mentally we can be changed and challenged. Your confidence can be knocked down, thrown in the washing machine, had a trillion spin cycles and then handed back to you to try and put it back together. But this is the thing. Rise above it. Get back to being the best version of you. This may take time, but you will get there. Because as the above lyrics state you are strong, you are useful, and you are worthy.

Go ahead

So, go ahead, find the version you like on Youtube or in your Spotify list. Turn that volume up and shout it loud and proud from the rooftops, because at the end of the day:

I am what I am!

– Helen

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