IVF Update

I wanted to give you guys a bit of an update as we have had our next consultant appointment for IVF. The short answer is we are currently in a delay with no time frame. All the tests have back as excellent from the first round, but the downside is that sodden BMI. The long and short of it is, until the BMI comes down to the required number there is no proceeding forwards. End of discussion.

We are annoyed!

We were annoyed at that appointment for the following reasons.

One. The consultant we saw didn’t seem to have any bedside manner and it was all black and white. Now at the end of the day the consultant can close the file over, go home for tea and report back the next day to carry on working. Us on the other hand have the news that we must wait.

Two. Their weight scales and ours at home are 1.5 kg out. Now I get that scales are different but seriously, SERIOUSLY, 1.5kg is actually quite a lot at the end of the day. Again, when I tried to tell the consultant this their response was very matter of fact.

Three. From what we have been told by the nurse at the first appointment we attended to what we have been told by the consultant are two very different scenarios. Now is it too much to ask that when dealing with such a sensitive subject that all parties are on the same page?!

After the appointment

After the appointment we were both left very disappointed. There was anger, there were tears, there was no talking to anyone and so on. That general feeling when that one dream that you had was removed from the table. I am aware it is temporarily removed but at the time it did not feel like that. I have over the last couple of weeks come to terms that it is a delay rather than a straight no, but I still feel pretty angry and upset over the situation.

Why do I feel this?

I feel this way for many different reasons. We have decided to go via the NHS as we are aware that privately it can lead you into tens of thousands of pounds of money and it can sometimes mean re-mortgaging the house. I am also aware that people have set up fundraising pages for IVF. I don’t blame them for doing this but for us it again doesn’t seem like the right way forwards. I am also annoyed as I feel we were treated more like a number than a couple trying to get pregnant. I feel that the consultant may be didn’t know how to deal with a same sex couple. It isn’t as if we can go home and “practice” (although at this point it may be quicker!!!). And finally, I feel that we have put a lot of hard work to get to this point. I get the impression that until you reach the desired criteria numbers that anything else is just not acceptable. I mean it would not cost the NHS anything to say, “fantastic work guys, now you need to keep going, have your tired a, b or c…”. I find the personal approach goes a long way in these things, but I guess that is just me. So, there you go, there are my reasonings.

When I was 20

When I was 20 years old, I had some tests done at the GP. I then had a phone call calling me into the surgery to discuss. The receptionist couldn’t tell me over the phone why but in I went to find out what was happening. I was told that I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). The likelihood of me becoming a mother was going to be tough to non-existent.

For more information on PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) click here to take you through to the NHS website.

Now that was around 15 years ago. Today there are many, many things that can be done to help people with ovary issues. However, that feeling of having a dream of becoming a mother all your life and then it being taken away from you (or delayed when you are working hard) is not a nice one to have. I personally feel that medical staff need to be aware of these matters when dealing with such sensitive situations or information. If you get a doctor with a poor bed side manner, then I feel you are on the pathway to nowhere. As I have said at the end of the day, they get to close the hospital file and go home. You get to go home with a racing head, upset and angry.

The IVF Criteria

Now I am not just saying this as I have not got my way, but I personally feel the IVF criteria is out of date. I managed to rant to Rosie in about an hour with 22 new points I would like to add or change about the current system. I am open to anyone who is in charge of the IVF system in Scotland to meet me for coffee so I can explain. I understand in Scotland we are very lucky that as part of the NHS we get a free go at the procedure but still I feel we need to think about these criteria.

Please note, in England we were turned down from moving forward with IVF as we were not in a borough which supported it. The fact we were a same sex couple was not a sufficient point for them. We were told we either had to move to a different borough or pay for it.

In the meantime

In the meantime, we are researching any other ways to go forwards and any options we may have missed. Going to any information evenings that we can to make sure we are up to speed with any latest developments. We are also making sure our weight keeps coming down and we remain active.

The conclusion

So, we are currently in a delay until our weight comes down and the BMI is the correct one for the IVF criteria. Only at this point can we begin more rounds of tests and eventually get into the service. We have estimated it could be at least another year before the actual IVF begins and possibly another 2-3 years before we can bring a child home and call it our own.

My advice to anyone else going through something similar. Speak to your friends, family, loved ones. Don’t keep it bottled up. Be active and look after yourself. As my Dad often says “what is for you will not pass you by”.

-Helen

Weight loss

Let me sum up a weight loss journey for you in two words:

It’s hard!!!

There you go. It is as simple as that. A weight loss journey is hard. Your meals, your exercise, your life, your body, your family and so on all change. Now, I wish I could sit here and say that there was a magic way of doing it but seeing as I not a multi-millionaire there isn’t. It takes a lot of hard work, dedication and changes to do a weight loss journey.

How badly do you want it?

This is a very true statement. I have been asking myself since day one of the journey and I will quite often ask my clients who are on a weight loss journey:

How badly do you want it?

How badly do you want to achieve your goal? Are you prepared for it to be a long hard slog? Are you willing to make changes? If the answers to these questions are yes, yes and yes then you are ready to get started. If you waiver or say no to any of them then you need to think really hard about those answers.

Sustainable vs quick fix

As we said at the start of the journey we made more of a lifestyle change that a little, non-sustainable change. We changed the following: diet, meal times, meal prep, food groups, portion sizes and exercise programme. With IVF you could be in the service within a few months or within a couple of years depending on your provider. We wanted to do a lifestyle change so we changed everything, therefore, making it sustainable. Of course we could have done a crash diet and restricted our diet and done tonnes of exercise. But this is not sustainable. It can be done for a holiday in a month or so and it can be done as a quick fix. However, as soon as you go back to your “normal” diet, portion size and exercise the weight may pile back on within a few weeks. A lifestyle change means you will still be on the same diet, doing roughly the same exercise (depending on intensity) several years down the line.

What have we changed – diet

Where we used to have sugary cereal it is now Weetabix, porridge, yogurt with fruit and sprinkle of nuts. Lunch which was normally a sandwich, crisps and a yogurt is now a fried egg wrap with fruit or something else egg related or a salad with ham or tuna. Dinner where our portions were too big is now a much smaller affair and we will now rarely have treats afterwards. For dinner we have wholemeal pasta, chicken and rice, a massive salad, baked potato with beans, tacos, naked hamburgers and so on. If we need a sweet treat it is either an apple, banana, strawberries or yogurt (depending if we have had it in the day or not). I used to drink masses of milk as well but now it is a much smaller glass. We have treat days on Saturday nights where we have a small chocolate bar or share a dessert from the supermarket. Saying that we now make almost everything we eat from scratch. We are now masters of the kitchen. We make spaghetti bolognaise, tomato soup from the tomatoes in the greenhouse, stir fry where we make our own sauce, Sunday roasts which lasts us Sunday and Monday. We are forever on food websites, watching the food channel on TV and reading magazines about food to get ideas. We try most things. Some work out and are tasty whereas some do not and we don’t make them again. As Rosie says I have come a long way from supermarket bought salad and supermarket bought ready made chicken. I will often kick Rosie out of the kitchen as I create my newest delight.

What we have changed – portion sizes and alcohol

We have also made a massive change to our portions and we eat much smaller ones these days. With alcohol I was never a big drinker but over the last few weeks I have barely touched it. I think I have had 1 beer in that time. I tend to drink more water now and if I feel I need a change from water then I will splash out and have some fizzy water instead. Again on Saturday treat nights I may have a fizzy zero drink but before where Rosie and I would go through litres in the week it is now a 330ml can every few weeks.

What have we changed – meal timings

The biggest change for me has been when I eat my meals. Before the weight loss journey, I would eat 2-3 meals a day whereas now I eat 4. This means that my metabolism is continuing to work. On the old way of eating it was not effectively which means as much as I was exercising my weight was not really moving anywhere. You need to have a working metabolism to do a weight loss journey.

What have we changed – exercise

If anyone read my previous blogs on exercise then you will know I already get a lot exercise with the work that I do. However, that did not stop me carrying it on. I aim to get 1000 minutes of exercise a week but do not get too fussed if I don’t meet it. If it is 800 minutes I make a note to try harder the following week and if it is 900 I say well done to me and see what I want to try the following week.

The biggest change – exercise

The biggest change I think for me has been hiring a personal trainer who is working with me at the local gym on high intensity training. I find if someone pushes you on high intensity training you get a lot more out of it. On top of the personal trainer I will always try to find a Zumba class (or 2, or 3, or 4) in the week as well as other high intensity classes. It is said that if you have a good level of fitness that high intensity can push you on to the next level. We also try to walk as much as we can.

Please speak to a gym instructor or even you GP before getting involved with high intensity training.

Rosie’s workouts

Rosie is a bit limited at the minute with exercise due to her hand but still she manages (under supervision) to go to the gym and cycle, walk on the treadmill and do some leg weights. It helps her mental health considerably which at the end of the day makes her happy.

Conclusion

As you can see Rosie and I have changed a lot. However, at the end of the day we want our goal. We want to progress with the next round of tests with IVF and eventually have a child to call our own. We will continue and it will be hard but we are off to a great start and we will see what the next few months to years bring.

-Helen

Previous blogs on exercise and BMI

Zumba
BMI and my challenge
Exercise
An even bigger challenge
First challenge is complete

First challenge is complete

Well the 1000 minute a week exercise challenge is now complete for July. For proof please see the above photo. It was an interesting challenge to say the least. It was hard but rewarding at the same time. Hard because it involved a lot of time from my schedule. Sunday mornings were where I would usually lie in, watch films, enjoy a leisurely breakfast and generally relax. But the last few Sundays I have been in the gym doing high intensity classes, gym training and walking home afterwards. It was rewarding though as I feel I am stronger; my cardio has improved greatly, and I have learnt some new exercises. I can certainly confirm that my muscles are now crying for attention and luckily, we have a sports massage booked for this coming Monday.

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An even bigger challenge

I am going to go back to this BMI thing one more time. I am sure you are all getting bored of me going on about it, but I have been for good reason. The BMI is part of the criteria for fertility and IVF treatment. Last week we went for our first appointment. Surprise, surprise we met all the other criteria except for the BMI one. And it is as plain and simple as this. If you do not meet the crazy BMI number, the NHS can’t help you. End of story. I find it a bit harsh that it all comes down to just this number and that your activity levels and exercise regime is not taken into consideration but there you have it. It frustrates me no end but that is the bottom line and to get into the service we need to meet the criteria.

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Personal training

I thought it was a good idea to bring in personal training to the body image theme we have been running for the last couple of weeks. People visit a personal trainer for all sorts of reasons but one of the main ones is because they would like to change how they look. They may like to tone a particular area of the body; they may want a swimsuit body ready for the summer or they may want to lose weight. These are all areas that I have helped people with in my work as a trainer.

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