Rosie and I went to the yet another specialist with regards to our IVF journey. This time it was in the private sector. We had decided we would try all avenues so it made sense for us to try this too. I admit that you pay for what you get. We got a doctor who knew what he was talking about which is always a good start. Rosie and I could ask any questions to him even if they did seem silly. He was patient and spent time with us. A big thing for us was he acknowledged Rosie as much as a potential parent as I would be. We felt when we visited the NHS doctor they didn’t really see us as a “proper couple and potential parents”.
The bad and the good news
However, with all the facts our doctor also gave us some good news and then bad news. The good news if that I have a lot of eggs in the ovaries. The bad is that the quality of them with Endometriosis is not good. The figures he had were even less appealing. With an IUI procedure there is an 8% chance of it resulting in a pregnancy. Apparently even less if it was to be done naturally with a man (luckily this option is a definite no go but always good to know all the facts and it made Rosie and I laugh!!!). With IVF there is a 50% chance. If you haven’t guessed already it looks like we are heading straight to the IVF route.
This is the question. Rosie and I had wanted to try the IUI procedure as it is a lot less invasive than IVF. With IUI (intrauterine insemination) the washed and concentrated sperm is put straight into the womb around the time of the egg release from the ovary. As I like to say it sends the swimmers in and hopes for the best.
Or not so natural
With IVF (in vitro fertilisation) it is an entirely different procedure and unfortunately one that is invasive with many different steps. With IVF you need to stimulate the ovaries, retrieve the eggs, add the sperm, wait for fertilisation and an embryo to develop before putting everything back into the womb and finally having a blood test to see if it a positive transaction. Again in my words, more hurdles, hoops, obstacles, lots of prodding and poking and then hoping for the best.
One interesting point the private doctor mentioned was about Endometriosis Grading. Grading? We didn’t know it had a grade! From what we had told the doctor he suspects my grade to be at least a 2 if not a 3 out of 4. In other words, not good news while trying to get pregnant. It is still worth trying IVF which is positive. Also on the plus side, when the egg retrieval specialists go in to look for eggs they will be able to determine the good and bad. With the good eggs there is a chance these can be kept and frozen for the next round. Again some good news but we will not know anything further until we get there.
Where does that leave us?
So, where does that leave us? It is a good question. Yes, we could go down the private route. Rosie and I feel we would both be looked after from the start too. However, if you rack up the costs for one round of IVF privately you are looking at re-mortgaging the house or robbing a bank. And that is for one round only. One! Not quite the options we were looking for.
The short answer
The short answer is I have to keep working to get my BMI number down so we can go on to the wait list with the NHS. That is it. Keep working, jumping over hurdles, trying to avoid the obstacles, going through the hoops which I am sure make sense somewhere and most of all keep hoping. In that recent film about being “frozen” with a “singing snowman” the song lyrics states “this will all make sense when I am older”. You can’t argue with a singing snowman either!
As a partnership we are incredibly strong but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t taking its toll on Rosie and me. We try not to let it put us down but when you are trying to achieve a dream you take it a lot more personally. I get frustrated that it is not a straight forward system and hard work is not being noticed. Rosie is constantly asking what she can do to make it easier (there’s not much unfortunately). As I have said before it feels like we are being punished for living our lives in a different way. We get angry, upset, tired, confused, anxious and the list could go on.
We will not give in!
Finally we try to find answers and ask questions which will one day lead us to the front of the IVF queue. We have come this far and have even further to go. We will not give in. One day it is going to make sense but right now we are in that quiet kind of calm while we process and prepare for the next part.