Relapse

Relapse

It was bound to happen. Luckily it was only a small one in comparison to how it used to be. And it is ok too, it serves as a useful reminder that this is a journey and something to constantly work on.

The counselling session did it!

I find the counselling session extremely useful. I can’t put my finger on exactly how it helps, but overall there is a shift in perspective as I have mentioned before. I (we) talk about all sorts of stuff. I feel very comfortable talking, I certainly feel that I am not judged in any way, and often it is pointed out that the mountains I make in my head are more like the tiniest hill.

During the last session we talked about a recurring theme, which I will not discuss here. I do not feel comfortable bringing it up here, and the subject itself really does not matter in this context. As I was driving home afterwards my thoughts were racing, and I felt as if my whole identity and idea of self had been questioned. I felt very lost. Soon enough tears were starting to roll down my face, and this is never good when you are driving on the motor way. I came home and was able to relax a little, and felt a bit better.

Unsettled

When Helen came home later in the evening I told her about how I felt and what I was thinking, and again the tears started flowing. She gave me lots of hugs and just let me cry, which is what I need when this happens. For the rest of the evening I felt very unsettled, and not able to put this away. In fact, this feeling lasted a couple of days, and I’m happy to say that it now no longer bothers me.

It is ok not to feel ok

What I want to say with this is that it really is ok not to feel ok all the time. Things happen unexpectedly and we just need to deal with it. If what you need is a good cry then that is what you have to do. There is no shame in crying, in fact it helps to relieve the pressure. I had a couple of unsettled days and did not sleep great for a couple of nights, but that is ok too. Like I said before, it is a reminder that we are on a journey, with highs and lows. Life is not a constant, flat line. How boring would that be!

Support

I am very glad to have all the support that I do, and the counselling is unexpectedly useful. If you are offered any therapies, then go for it. Try different approaches and work out what is best for you. My CBT sessions are now finished and they were also really useful. This is after I quit half way through my first sessions a couple of years ago as it was awful. I put that down to a very poor and disinterested therapist which did not inspire me to complete the sessions. I am so glad I tried again. Never say never again.

-Rosita

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